Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet
I am called Legion for we are many yet outside of my insignificant existence I am nothing. The circular ramblings of the unfocused mind like the tireless energy of a puppy chasing his tail. What would he do with it should he catch it? I see the big picture but can't change my own version to fit. A bottomless well of misery from denying everything somehow still exists when the denial is over. I'm in control and reaching for things yet I feel guilty for the greed and now the misery is just a new flavor replacing the old but no less bitter in it's own right. I want to go left, so I turn right. I want to be whole, so I sacrifice. I want to be happy, so I hate myself. I want to die, so I continue on in my agony.
12.30.2010
10.25.2010
...they just seem a little weird...
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
I'm dropping Diary of a Dead Man. It's sluggish and unfocused and nobody is really reading it anyway. Also Sleeping With The Enemy is going on hiatus because it's safer simply not to have anything to say. This is a fact I learned a while back but didn't want to accept because I figured it made more sense to say your peace and be honest than lie to people but I have since discovered that to be a flawed theory. It works on paper but so does communism so...
My life has been in limbo for the past month and I'm sick to death of it. Stuck at a fork in the road, staring at it like a monkey doing a math problem, feeling like the kid on the short bus in the helmet licking the window. Decide to go one way and get punched in the face...well fuck...ok then. Stand there for a little while holding your jaw and decide, "Well that was obviously the wrong answer...and I'm still alive so I guess we go the OTHER way right?" So I'm laying in the fetal position a few steps down the OTHER branch of the fork, tears welling up in my eyes, desperately trying to comprehend how getting kicked in the nuts for taking the "not-punched-in-the-face" branch is fair. I swear to god I'm never going to understand this shit...
Anyhow this is the last post I'm going to write for a while, if ever, because now I've made the choice to have nothing to say. To anyone. About anything. I'm never right so I might as well shut the fuck up. So long and thanks for all the fish.
I'm dropping Diary of a Dead Man. It's sluggish and unfocused and nobody is really reading it anyway. Also Sleeping With The Enemy is going on hiatus because it's safer simply not to have anything to say. This is a fact I learned a while back but didn't want to accept because I figured it made more sense to say your peace and be honest than lie to people but I have since discovered that to be a flawed theory. It works on paper but so does communism so...
My life has been in limbo for the past month and I'm sick to death of it. Stuck at a fork in the road, staring at it like a monkey doing a math problem, feeling like the kid on the short bus in the helmet licking the window. Decide to go one way and get punched in the face...well fuck...ok then. Stand there for a little while holding your jaw and decide, "Well that was obviously the wrong answer...and I'm still alive so I guess we go the OTHER way right?" So I'm laying in the fetal position a few steps down the OTHER branch of the fork, tears welling up in my eyes, desperately trying to comprehend how getting kicked in the nuts for taking the "not-punched-in-the-face" branch is fair. I swear to god I'm never going to understand this shit...
Anyhow this is the last post I'm going to write for a while, if ever, because now I've made the choice to have nothing to say. To anyone. About anything. I'm never right so I might as well shut the fuck up. So long and thanks for all the fish.
10.21.2010
Random ramblings
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
Haven't posted here in a few days it seems...caught up in other things I suppose. Here's the current state of the union folks. I'm thrashing through some of my existentialist despair through contemplation of adopting a few additional media into my expressive arsenal.
As some of you may know I've begun work on an episodic story on another blog. The episodic approach as well as the first person introspective "diary" style I've adopted presents some interesting challenges as well as some exciting freedoms that wouldn't be possible in a more traditional format. For instance, being episodic I can let the story change and flow without having to know how it all turns out myself...I'm just as excited for the next episode as the readers (assuming there are any). The diary aspect allows a peek into the characters personal thoughts without excessive narration and leaves the reader responsible for filling in all the details from their own imagination. Personally I think that horrors are much more effective when the audience fills in the gaps themselves because they will naturally take those things they fear and use them to paint the picture for themselves resulting in a much more effective story. Sadly there hasn't been much response or interest in the story as far as I can tell.
Now if you're familiar with me you'll know that writing could never be considered "a new media of expression" so on to the new. I can't draw, I can't paint, but I still feel something of a gap in my ability to express the ideas and concepts in my head because of a complete lack of any form of visual media. Oddly enough, the work on Diary of a Dead Man has reminded me of a few interests from my past that, combined with some previously unconsidered forms of artistic expression, could easily lend themselves to an EXTREMELY visual media that I may (or may not, of course) be able to find a really effective outlet in. Anyone curious? Well I'm thinking the forgiving nature of oil based modeling clays (they don't harden so I can forever adjust and edit) combined with my experience and interest in makeup effects including foam latex appliances could give rise to a form of sculpture removed from the norm. Something that's not quite sculpture, but not quite halloween mask either...my first subject would of course be the "Dead Man" from the Diary.
In other news I've recently decided I want a puppy. No not just any dog, because I hate 99.8% of canine companions the world over, but a puppy. I'm in the market for a limited AKC registered blue Dane pup between 7-10 weeks and am currently solidifying my choice of breeder and preparing for the great journey of raising and training a gentle giant. No they may not be well known as brilliant thinkers, but to be quite honest I've considered many aspects of canine personality and feel that an overly intelligent breed would be beyond my capacity. Smart dogs get bored easily, bored dogs get destructive. I could write an entire essay on the research I've done that brought me to the Dane as the perfect breed for me and probably refute a lot of the arguments I'd hear about how I don't live on a farm so the dog would never have as much space as it needs. (Danes are mid-to-low-activity and perfectly suited to being house dogs despite their size not to mention they're people pups and need human contact to be happy). The breeder I have selected (as of now) has a litter of blues scheduled for winter so I'm going to start getting everything ready to welcome my new gangly ball of steel blue uncoordinated happiness into his new home.
Haven't posted here in a few days it seems...caught up in other things I suppose. Here's the current state of the union folks. I'm thrashing through some of my existentialist despair through contemplation of adopting a few additional media into my expressive arsenal.
As some of you may know I've begun work on an episodic story on another blog. The episodic approach as well as the first person introspective "diary" style I've adopted presents some interesting challenges as well as some exciting freedoms that wouldn't be possible in a more traditional format. For instance, being episodic I can let the story change and flow without having to know how it all turns out myself...I'm just as excited for the next episode as the readers (assuming there are any). The diary aspect allows a peek into the characters personal thoughts without excessive narration and leaves the reader responsible for filling in all the details from their own imagination. Personally I think that horrors are much more effective when the audience fills in the gaps themselves because they will naturally take those things they fear and use them to paint the picture for themselves resulting in a much more effective story. Sadly there hasn't been much response or interest in the story as far as I can tell.
Now if you're familiar with me you'll know that writing could never be considered "a new media of expression" so on to the new. I can't draw, I can't paint, but I still feel something of a gap in my ability to express the ideas and concepts in my head because of a complete lack of any form of visual media. Oddly enough, the work on Diary of a Dead Man has reminded me of a few interests from my past that, combined with some previously unconsidered forms of artistic expression, could easily lend themselves to an EXTREMELY visual media that I may (or may not, of course) be able to find a really effective outlet in. Anyone curious? Well I'm thinking the forgiving nature of oil based modeling clays (they don't harden so I can forever adjust and edit) combined with my experience and interest in makeup effects including foam latex appliances could give rise to a form of sculpture removed from the norm. Something that's not quite sculpture, but not quite halloween mask either...my first subject would of course be the "Dead Man" from the Diary.
In other news I've recently decided I want a puppy. No not just any dog, because I hate 99.8% of canine companions the world over, but a puppy. I'm in the market for a limited AKC registered blue Dane pup between 7-10 weeks and am currently solidifying my choice of breeder and preparing for the great journey of raising and training a gentle giant. No they may not be well known as brilliant thinkers, but to be quite honest I've considered many aspects of canine personality and feel that an overly intelligent breed would be beyond my capacity. Smart dogs get bored easily, bored dogs get destructive. I could write an entire essay on the research I've done that brought me to the Dane as the perfect breed for me and probably refute a lot of the arguments I'd hear about how I don't live on a farm so the dog would never have as much space as it needs. (Danes are mid-to-low-activity and perfectly suited to being house dogs despite their size not to mention they're people pups and need human contact to be happy). The breeder I have selected (as of now) has a litter of blues scheduled for winter so I'm going to start getting everything ready to welcome my new gangly ball of steel blue uncoordinated happiness into his new home.
10.13.2010
Occam's folley
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
It seems we've had something of a breakthrough along this painful path of late the most important of which actually wasn't mine and for that I couldn't be more grateful. All things considered the obvious solution is to cut our losses and run like hell but instead we're flipping Occam the bird and heading once more into the breach with our new found revelations to see if we can't forge something better from the wreckage than we started out with. Who the fuck am I kidding...I never do shit the easy way. Hey Murphy...go eat a dick, motherfucker.
It seems we've had something of a breakthrough along this painful path of late the most important of which actually wasn't mine and for that I couldn't be more grateful. All things considered the obvious solution is to cut our losses and run like hell but instead we're flipping Occam the bird and heading once more into the breach with our new found revelations to see if we can't forge something better from the wreckage than we started out with. Who the fuck am I kidding...I never do shit the easy way. Hey Murphy...go eat a dick, motherfucker.
10.12.2010
Eureeka...I'm screwed
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
Anybody ever read Heller? I had an emotional/philosophical breakthrough pointed out to me last night which I quite honestly believe I should have come to under my own power. Just demonstrates how far out of my comfort zone this all is. Turns out under the circumstances the conclusion of all this fiasco is as much my decision as the other party's. I hadn't considered having any influence over the ending whatsoever but find I am faced with the realization that I wolde bothe eate my cake, and have my cake. The obvious juxtaposition between Einstein's definition of insanity and Yossarian's paradox is not a new position to find myself in, as I had already referenced it in a prior post. I'm a little curious as to whether she was cleverly reminding me I had said it or if it really just is that patently obvious but the reasoning bears little relevance to the issue at hand other than sometimes I think she's smarter than she gives herself credit for. There's another half to this post but I'm stuck...damn it...is this making sense to anyone?
Anybody ever read Heller? I had an emotional/philosophical breakthrough pointed out to me last night which I quite honestly believe I should have come to under my own power. Just demonstrates how far out of my comfort zone this all is. Turns out under the circumstances the conclusion of all this fiasco is as much my decision as the other party's. I hadn't considered having any influence over the ending whatsoever but find I am faced with the realization that I wolde bothe eate my cake, and have my cake. The obvious juxtaposition between Einstein's definition of insanity and Yossarian's paradox is not a new position to find myself in, as I had already referenced it in a prior post. I'm a little curious as to whether she was cleverly reminding me I had said it or if it really just is that patently obvious but the reasoning bears little relevance to the issue at hand other than sometimes I think she's smarter than she gives herself credit for. There's another half to this post but I'm stuck...damn it...is this making sense to anyone?
10.10.2010
Pride and predjudice
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
Ok listen I posted hastily this afternoon because I was angry and I didn't think it all the way through and go back and edit things like I normally do. I also won't delete it because I have a rule here...I'll delete comments but I'll never delete posts. My marriage has come to an end. I am not happy about that and I am even less happy that I will forever be assumed the bad guy when what really destroyed our marriage was my wife. She attacked me in her blog after we separated and I didn't. I have no intention of doing it now either or ever for that matter. We just ended up not being the people the other one needed and that's what this is all about. I haven't addressed this directly in my blogging or interactions because I have gone underground just like I said I was going to. I gave her terms for reconciliation and she wasn't interested in my terms. I love her and I miss her but things just can't be worked out and it's over. This post is to address all of the conclusions everyone has jumped to.
I'm not drinking myself to death. I'm not in a horrible downward spiral of self destruction. I AM NOT OK. Hear that? I'm admitting it. I'm not ok. I am depressed so severely I can't even leave my fucking house to go see the Airsho with my family. All I can do is get up in the mornings and go to work, then come home and maybe eat, maybe not. Go to sleep, lather, rinse, repeat. I need something from the store I go to the store. I need to go grab something to eat I grab something to eat. I can't face anyone right now ok? I want to put this out there for everyone and I'm saying it once. I'm not drinking lately. I went through my phase binge drinking and it lasted maybe three or four nights right after the whole thing fell apart. I am using my new blog as a creative outlet to vent how I'm feeling. My character can be what I can't but thinking through how he is reacting to write about him allows me to handle what I'm going through and still take care of business to stay sane.
I have suffered for years regardless of what everyone thinks and I'm not going to be able to change anything. I am accepting and dealing and healing to the best of my ability. It's not going all that well but hey I'm still here. I AM sick of everyone assuming I'm going to "do something stupid" or that I'm crawling into a bottle somewhere. If you were really that concerned you'd have come to check on me...and the only person that did was my step-sister. How about that huh? And nobody understands that I got along with my in-laws better than my own family and now I've lost them too. Now I'm alone in my life with my cat Flik and attempting to pick up the pieces of my life and find a way to put them back together. Like I said before thanks for all the fish.
Ok listen I posted hastily this afternoon because I was angry and I didn't think it all the way through and go back and edit things like I normally do. I also won't delete it because I have a rule here...I'll delete comments but I'll never delete posts. My marriage has come to an end. I am not happy about that and I am even less happy that I will forever be assumed the bad guy when what really destroyed our marriage was my wife. She attacked me in her blog after we separated and I didn't. I have no intention of doing it now either or ever for that matter. We just ended up not being the people the other one needed and that's what this is all about. I haven't addressed this directly in my blogging or interactions because I have gone underground just like I said I was going to. I gave her terms for reconciliation and she wasn't interested in my terms. I love her and I miss her but things just can't be worked out and it's over. This post is to address all of the conclusions everyone has jumped to.
I'm not drinking myself to death. I'm not in a horrible downward spiral of self destruction. I AM NOT OK. Hear that? I'm admitting it. I'm not ok. I am depressed so severely I can't even leave my fucking house to go see the Airsho with my family. All I can do is get up in the mornings and go to work, then come home and maybe eat, maybe not. Go to sleep, lather, rinse, repeat. I need something from the store I go to the store. I need to go grab something to eat I grab something to eat. I can't face anyone right now ok? I want to put this out there for everyone and I'm saying it once. I'm not drinking lately. I went through my phase binge drinking and it lasted maybe three or four nights right after the whole thing fell apart. I am using my new blog as a creative outlet to vent how I'm feeling. My character can be what I can't but thinking through how he is reacting to write about him allows me to handle what I'm going through and still take care of business to stay sane.
I have suffered for years regardless of what everyone thinks and I'm not going to be able to change anything. I am accepting and dealing and healing to the best of my ability. It's not going all that well but hey I'm still here. I AM sick of everyone assuming I'm going to "do something stupid" or that I'm crawling into a bottle somewhere. If you were really that concerned you'd have come to check on me...and the only person that did was my step-sister. How about that huh? And nobody understands that I got along with my in-laws better than my own family and now I've lost them too. Now I'm alone in my life with my cat Flik and attempting to pick up the pieces of my life and find a way to put them back together. Like I said before thanks for all the fish.
Listen up damn it
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
As I'm sure everyone has figured out my life is not going well. My wife and I are getting divorced, I'm on my own and I'm not happy about it. FOR THE RECORD I'm also to damn old to deal with the hangovers from drinking every night. My new blog Diary of a Dead Man is a CHARACTER I am writing. Get it? It's a STORY...like Cinderella, or Twilight, or the fucking bible ok?! PLEASE STOP TAKING IT LITERALLY!!!
It's based on the things going on in my life right now but it is STILL JUST A STORY!! GET IT?!
As I'm sure everyone has figured out my life is not going well. My wife and I are getting divorced, I'm on my own and I'm not happy about it. FOR THE RECORD I'm also to damn old to deal with the hangovers from drinking every night. My new blog Diary of a Dead Man is a CHARACTER I am writing. Get it? It's a STORY...like Cinderella, or Twilight, or the fucking bible ok?! PLEASE STOP TAKING IT LITERALLY!!!
It's based on the things going on in my life right now but it is STILL JUST A STORY!! GET IT?!
10.08.2010
Life after death
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
I am dead. My heart is still beating. I'm still at work everyday. Sometimes I eat, most of the time I don't. I go to bed hoping I don't wake up in the morning but always do. But inside I'm dead. How can there be life after death? How can I go on now that my life is over? I can't face family or friends for the shame of my failure. Everyone tells me I'll be ok. I'll survive. But nobody seems to understand that I'm already dead and gone...my body just hasn't got the message yet. I hope it figures it out soon. I'm tired of hurting.
I'm lonely and alone now, whereas before I was merely lonely. I felt no love, no respect, but at least I had someone to talk to. Now I don't even have that. Part of me thinks now I have a chance to find someone who could really love me but the rest of me knows that's not possible. If the person I gave 8 years of my life to doesn't want me, nobody else ever will. I'm going to die alone. Just not soon enough for me.
I am dead. My heart is still beating. I'm still at work everyday. Sometimes I eat, most of the time I don't. I go to bed hoping I don't wake up in the morning but always do. But inside I'm dead. How can there be life after death? How can I go on now that my life is over? I can't face family or friends for the shame of my failure. Everyone tells me I'll be ok. I'll survive. But nobody seems to understand that I'm already dead and gone...my body just hasn't got the message yet. I hope it figures it out soon. I'm tired of hurting.
I'm lonely and alone now, whereas before I was merely lonely. I felt no love, no respect, but at least I had someone to talk to. Now I don't even have that. Part of me thinks now I have a chance to find someone who could really love me but the rest of me knows that's not possible. If the person I gave 8 years of my life to doesn't want me, nobody else ever will. I'm going to die alone. Just not soon enough for me.
9.28.2010
And like that...he's gone
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
I'm checking out for a while. If you need to get in touch with me you know how. If you can't seem to get in touch with me it probably means you don't need to. I'm turning off comment rights for most people because I might want to blog while I'm AWOL but I don't necessarily want to hear what you think. Simple as that. So long and thanks for all the fish.
I'm checking out for a while. If you need to get in touch with me you know how. If you can't seem to get in touch with me it probably means you don't need to. I'm turning off comment rights for most people because I might want to blog while I'm AWOL but I don't necessarily want to hear what you think. Simple as that. So long and thanks for all the fish.
9.27.2010
And then there was one
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
I told her she hurt me and for the first time in our lives she listened. I told her to leave and she heard me. After all these years I finally got through to her, even though I've been saying the same things the whole time. Part of me is thrilled that she finally gets what she's done to me, but part of me is too burned to care anymore. My life is over at exactly the moment it should have begun all because the moment came almost a decade too late. Which part do I listen to? I know the socially obvious answer but is that really the right one? I need to be loved by someone. I need to be with someone who cares. It's not important anymore who that person is despite my old hope that it would be her.
I wish I was dead so I wouldn't have this problem to deal with. I wish I could sleep until it all went away. I want to hide from the world and hope they all forget I exist. But I can't. I'm here at work like always because I'm such a weak willed person I can't even alter my own path. I have to do what has to be done. Take care of business. That's all I have. That's all I am anymore. A machine. But deep inside I still hurt. I wish I could give over to the automaton completely and not feel anything anymore.
I told her she hurt me and for the first time in our lives she listened. I told her to leave and she heard me. After all these years I finally got through to her, even though I've been saying the same things the whole time. Part of me is thrilled that she finally gets what she's done to me, but part of me is too burned to care anymore. My life is over at exactly the moment it should have begun all because the moment came almost a decade too late. Which part do I listen to? I know the socially obvious answer but is that really the right one? I need to be loved by someone. I need to be with someone who cares. It's not important anymore who that person is despite my old hope that it would be her.
I wish I was dead so I wouldn't have this problem to deal with. I wish I could sleep until it all went away. I want to hide from the world and hope they all forget I exist. But I can't. I'm here at work like always because I'm such a weak willed person I can't even alter my own path. I have to do what has to be done. Take care of business. That's all I have. That's all I am anymore. A machine. But deep inside I still hurt. I wish I could give over to the automaton completely and not feel anything anymore.
9.25.2010
Between a rock and a hard place
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
I can't write what I need to. I can't put it into the right words because I don't know how to say it without someone else getting hurt. I'm struggling through the worst period of my entire life right now, and I have no one to help get me through it. I know what I want. I know what I NEED. What I don't know is how to get it. What is the right decision? What is the right answer? Do I continue to hope for the thing that never happens thinking "Well maybe this time will be different" or give up and move on with my life? My world is falling apart and all I want to do is lay down and die. Not have to make a choice. Sleep until it all goes away.
Einstein defines insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". For the past 8 years I have been insane. Heller said the only way out was to be deemed insane, and the only way to be deemed insane was to request an evaluation, but requesting an evaluation proves sanity because an insane person wouldn't feel a need to be evaluated. Do I ignore my insanity and stay in the situation that has been, and still is, ruining my life or do I admit I'm insane and go out and find what I've been looking for all long? Do I stay miserable to save someone else from pain, or do I save myself? I don't know what to do...
I can't write what I need to. I can't put it into the right words because I don't know how to say it without someone else getting hurt. I'm struggling through the worst period of my entire life right now, and I have no one to help get me through it. I know what I want. I know what I NEED. What I don't know is how to get it. What is the right decision? What is the right answer? Do I continue to hope for the thing that never happens thinking "Well maybe this time will be different" or give up and move on with my life? My world is falling apart and all I want to do is lay down and die. Not have to make a choice. Sleep until it all goes away.
Einstein defines insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". For the past 8 years I have been insane. Heller said the only way out was to be deemed insane, and the only way to be deemed insane was to request an evaluation, but requesting an evaluation proves sanity because an insane person wouldn't feel a need to be evaluated. Do I ignore my insanity and stay in the situation that has been, and still is, ruining my life or do I admit I'm insane and go out and find what I've been looking for all long? Do I stay miserable to save someone else from pain, or do I save myself? I don't know what to do...
9.20.2010
I'm not dead...
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
...yet. Current events of which I'm not prepared to discuss have conspired to create a "phase" in my life where all of the soul searching and philosophical meanderings of the recent past are thrown to the wind. My life sucks. Period. I'm stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place and I have no hope for the future. My skills are of no help, my mindset is of no use, and my preparations are all for nothing. Shoulder to the plow and wait...same as always...never helped before...maybe this time will be different.
...yet. Current events of which I'm not prepared to discuss have conspired to create a "phase" in my life where all of the soul searching and philosophical meanderings of the recent past are thrown to the wind. My life sucks. Period. I'm stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place and I have no hope for the future. My skills are of no help, my mindset is of no use, and my preparations are all for nothing. Shoulder to the plow and wait...same as always...never helped before...maybe this time will be different.
9.15.2010
Under the weather
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
I haven't felt well this week so I haven't been posting...today is a shopping list sans details just because I can. Also don't expect it to make sense...it's vague for a reason. In no particular order...
Sako TRG-22 - 2800.00
TRG-22 Bipod - 430.00
AAC Cyclone - 1075.00 (with stamp)
Federal 308 match - 350.00 (one case)
Pelican 1750 - 200.00
Leupold Mark 4 ER/T - 1600.00
TOTAL 6455.00
G17 - 500.00
Bar-Sto - 320.00
AAC Evo9 - 850.00 (with stamp)
147gr subs - 249.00 (two cases)
Pelican 1470 - 90.00
TOTAL 2009.00
RRA 2-stage LPK - 180.00
RRA A4 Upper (Tric) - 945.00
Magpul PRS - 225.00
Magpul PMAG - 150.00 (10 units)
EOTech 553 - 709.00
NATO556 - 918.00 (two 1K cans)
AAC SPR/M4 - 1445.00 (with stamp)
Pelican 1750 - 200.00
TOTAL 4772.00
Yup that's $13,236.00US...and only one branch of my interests. Thankfully it's not a collection type of interest where I'd want another and another and another. This is a one time purchase sort of thing I can spread over time. I'm going to need to start delivering pizzas at night or something...
I haven't felt well this week so I haven't been posting...today is a shopping list sans details just because I can. Also don't expect it to make sense...it's vague for a reason. In no particular order...
Sako TRG-22 - 2800.00
TRG-22 Bipod - 430.00
AAC Cyclone - 1075.00 (with stamp)
Federal 308 match - 350.00 (one case)
Pelican 1750 - 200.00
Leupold Mark 4 ER/T - 1600.00
TOTAL 6455.00
G17 - 500.00
Bar-Sto - 320.00
AAC Evo9 - 850.00 (with stamp)
147gr subs - 249.00 (two cases)
Pelican 1470 - 90.00
TOTAL 2009.00
RRA 2-stage LPK - 180.00
RRA A4 Upper (Tric) - 945.00
Magpul PRS - 225.00
Magpul PMAG - 150.00 (10 units)
EOTech 553 - 709.00
NATO556 - 918.00 (two 1K cans)
AAC SPR/M4 - 1445.00 (with stamp)
Pelican 1750 - 200.00
TOTAL 4772.00
Yup that's $13,236.00US...and only one branch of my interests. Thankfully it's not a collection type of interest where I'd want another and another and another. This is a one time purchase sort of thing I can spread over time. I'm going to need to start delivering pizzas at night or something...
9.08.2010
Reflections on fear
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
I'm afraid that with the short week business has picked up to the point where I haven't had time today to post. So, instead of my "daily" post, tonight's topic is fear. From an evolutionary standpoint fear is an inborn survival tool that tells us use caution, be aware, survive whatever the cost. Conversely in a society where civilization and law have attempted to negate Darwin's observations regarding the survival of the fittest fear seems to have become relegated to such trivialities as "what shoes go with this bag?". Fear is a root from which a myriad of interconnected emotional responses can grow. Anger, hostility, grief, suspicion, can all find roots in fear. I don't know your intent, so I fear what it MIGHT be. I don't know who you are, so I fear what your goals may be in relation to myself. I don't know if you mean to hurt me, so I am wary of being hurt. I don't know if I can trust you, I don't know if you are lying, I don't know...I don't know...I don't know... Fear creates gods. Fear creates ghosts. Fear creates hatred because others are "different".
Knowledge removes fear. Learn everything you can from everyone willing to teach you something. Consider the infinite possibilities contained in a single scenario and then as you assume one possibility consider how that change will change the scenario and how to react to the change. The worst case scenario. What if... The zombie plan. The apocalypse, the fall of man, the breakdown of everything that you take for granted in your life. What if it all just...went away. How would you react? Is society really so bad? Do you gather together huddled like sheep for the slaughter? Do you escape...vanish like a phantom into the environment prepared to do whatever wherever whenever that you will survive the rest of your days alone. Do you trust others around you to work together toward a mutual benefit in a vain attempt to rebuild what took mankind centuries to accomplish? Do you take a part of this option, and that option...bring those into your fold that can be of use to you, as you might be to them. Share resources and welcome innovation in the face of difficulties but also prepare to ignore every shred of humanity you might retain should situation arise. Fear is mankind's greatest weakness, and humanity's greatest ally. Fear makes us weak. weakness makes us to learn. Fear what you do not know then learn not to fear it. Only then will the human race find our next stage in the world.
I'm afraid that with the short week business has picked up to the point where I haven't had time today to post. So, instead of my "daily" post, tonight's topic is fear. From an evolutionary standpoint fear is an inborn survival tool that tells us use caution, be aware, survive whatever the cost. Conversely in a society where civilization and law have attempted to negate Darwin's observations regarding the survival of the fittest fear seems to have become relegated to such trivialities as "what shoes go with this bag?". Fear is a root from which a myriad of interconnected emotional responses can grow. Anger, hostility, grief, suspicion, can all find roots in fear. I don't know your intent, so I fear what it MIGHT be. I don't know who you are, so I fear what your goals may be in relation to myself. I don't know if you mean to hurt me, so I am wary of being hurt. I don't know if I can trust you, I don't know if you are lying, I don't know...I don't know...I don't know... Fear creates gods. Fear creates ghosts. Fear creates hatred because others are "different".
Knowledge removes fear. Learn everything you can from everyone willing to teach you something. Consider the infinite possibilities contained in a single scenario and then as you assume one possibility consider how that change will change the scenario and how to react to the change. The worst case scenario. What if... The zombie plan. The apocalypse, the fall of man, the breakdown of everything that you take for granted in your life. What if it all just...went away. How would you react? Is society really so bad? Do you gather together huddled like sheep for the slaughter? Do you escape...vanish like a phantom into the environment prepared to do whatever wherever whenever that you will survive the rest of your days alone. Do you trust others around you to work together toward a mutual benefit in a vain attempt to rebuild what took mankind centuries to accomplish? Do you take a part of this option, and that option...bring those into your fold that can be of use to you, as you might be to them. Share resources and welcome innovation in the face of difficulties but also prepare to ignore every shred of humanity you might retain should situation arise. Fear is mankind's greatest weakness, and humanity's greatest ally. Fear makes us weak. weakness makes us to learn. Fear what you do not know then learn not to fear it. Only then will the human race find our next stage in the world.
9.07.2010
Gathering and Dispersal #2
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
This is post two...the positive one.
The Gathering was amazing. I could stop right there and that would be enough. If you read my first post you know I was not impressed with Las Vegas. Everyplace felt cheap, everything was too expensive, and we don't gamble. The Gathering though...that was something to remember. I got to handle knives I can't afford, I shook hands with makers who are my heroes. This was the equivalent of most guys getting to meet a bunch of NFL players, or for women to meet Louis Vuitton in person. I'm a knife groupy...I won't even apologize for it. I was for the first time in a room filled with knives and knife crazy people like myself and didn't see a single junk knife in the whole place. That's more than I can say about the local gun 'n knife shows where I'm from.
It's amazing to me (likely because I'm of the group that considers these makers my heroes) how personable and approachable every single one of them were. Makers like John Gonzales, Jens Anso, Brad Southard (yeah so what if he's a rookie?!), David "Stop calling me Mr. Broadwell, damnit" Broadwell, Ernie Emerson (sadly never got to meet him because I couldn't get near him), Todd 'n Tanya Begg, Mike $nody, Dan Crotts (apprenticed to Dave Mozier) the list goes on and on. And not a single one didn't have a minute to shake my hand and tell me about whatever they had on their table or whatever they had on their workbench back home, or answer a question or just shoot the shit about nothing. I got to hold in my hand knives that I had only seen in pictures on the various forums I frequent. Not just models like the ones I've seen photos of but the actual knives because they hadn't sold yet.
So while I wasn't impressed by Vegas and likely won't be returning next year (though who knows we might find a way to do a short cheap trip just for the show and nothing else) the knife show with real knives and real makers made a major impression. That being said it looks like our next stop is going to be Blade in Atlanta in the spring and I could not be happier about it. The same quality of knives, the same caliber of people, but on a larger scale at a much more affordable pricepoint. Come on Blade 2011!
This is post two...the positive one.
The Gathering was amazing. I could stop right there and that would be enough. If you read my first post you know I was not impressed with Las Vegas. Everyplace felt cheap, everything was too expensive, and we don't gamble. The Gathering though...that was something to remember. I got to handle knives I can't afford, I shook hands with makers who are my heroes. This was the equivalent of most guys getting to meet a bunch of NFL players, or for women to meet Louis Vuitton in person. I'm a knife groupy...I won't even apologize for it. I was for the first time in a room filled with knives and knife crazy people like myself and didn't see a single junk knife in the whole place. That's more than I can say about the local gun 'n knife shows where I'm from.
It's amazing to me (likely because I'm of the group that considers these makers my heroes) how personable and approachable every single one of them were. Makers like John Gonzales, Jens Anso, Brad Southard (yeah so what if he's a rookie?!), David "Stop calling me Mr. Broadwell, damnit" Broadwell, Ernie Emerson (sadly never got to meet him because I couldn't get near him), Todd 'n Tanya Begg, Mike $nody, Dan Crotts (apprenticed to Dave Mozier) the list goes on and on. And not a single one didn't have a minute to shake my hand and tell me about whatever they had on their table or whatever they had on their workbench back home, or answer a question or just shoot the shit about nothing. I got to hold in my hand knives that I had only seen in pictures on the various forums I frequent. Not just models like the ones I've seen photos of but the actual knives because they hadn't sold yet.
So while I wasn't impressed by Vegas and likely won't be returning next year (though who knows we might find a way to do a short cheap trip just for the show and nothing else) the knife show with real knives and real makers made a major impression. That being said it looks like our next stop is going to be Blade in Atlanta in the spring and I could not be happier about it. The same quality of knives, the same caliber of people, but on a larger scale at a much more affordable pricepoint. Come on Blade 2011!
9.06.2010
Gathering and Dispersal #1
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
This is post number one on our Vegas vacation....number two will cover the positives.
How do I put a philosophical spin on my trip to Las Vegas...FFS I've had 5 days to try and develop this post. Vegas is NOT my kind of town. The whole trip we played by ear. Mind you I'm not morally or ethically opposed to gambling all I can say is it's just not for me. Food on the other hand...well food is my kryptonite.
On the flight we saw a review of places on the strip and picked what we thought looked best. Steak for two, drinks, sides, etc we walked out for about $200. Worth. Every. Penny. The sandwich shop in the casino at our hotel made magic for a mere $6 a sammich and had the cheapest beer I saw all weekend at $5 a bottle. We spent nearly $40 for breakfast our first morning; the food was good to be sure but not worth the price. After that we ate breakfast at the sandwich shop. One night we decided to go grab a drink before bed and take it up to our room. The tab for one amaretto sour and Crown and Coke...$28. I couldn't even afford a buzz in Vegas. FYI I don't like to name places, this isn't about advertising, but I'll tell anyone who will listen not to go to Beijing Noodle No. 9 in Caesar's Palace. Don't bother. The floor was filthy, we were seated without place settings and had to go ask the hostess if a server was extra because nobody so much as flipped us off. The food was good but the rest of the experience wasn't worth $2. Kara wouldn't let me leave a $20 and walk out on the balance but you can be sure there was no tip left. Anyone who knows me knows that's a huge deal.
We walked, we saw, we had fun but just as often we were annoyed by the world of The Strip. The crowds of Mexicans with "Hot girls to your door in 20 minutes" t-shirts wordlessly assaulting everyone with the constant slapping and flicking of their pamphlets in your face. The guy every ten feet with a cooler yelling "Cole wata juan doe-la" likely the only 4 words in broken English he knew. Astonishingly enough my paranoia left me alone for the weekend, a nice change of pace. The fountains at Bellagio were very entertaining to see, the huge hotels and casinos were amazing, and people from all around the globe were there speaking whatever language you could hope to hear, but somehow I came away struck by a feeling of cheapness. Nothing was quality. Everything was as gaudy and cheap as they could get away with like spray painting a dog turd gold. Sure it's shiny...but it still stinks. And then disaster struck...
Through an error on our part (probably from booking tickets so far in advance) we showed up to the show we so badly wanted to see the day after with our $225 worth of tickets in hand to be told "That was last night...tonight is Cher." Instead the night of the show we sat through a timeshare presentation to get cheap tickets to a topless revue. The tickets turned out to be obstructed view against the back wall of the theater. So we mistakenly traded second row seats (at a show we desperately wanted to see) for nosebleeds at a show we were using to fill the night before OUR show. Well fukk.
This is post number one on our Vegas vacation....number two will cover the positives.
How do I put a philosophical spin on my trip to Las Vegas...FFS I've had 5 days to try and develop this post. Vegas is NOT my kind of town. The whole trip we played by ear. Mind you I'm not morally or ethically opposed to gambling all I can say is it's just not for me. Food on the other hand...well food is my kryptonite.
On the flight we saw a review of places on the strip and picked what we thought looked best. Steak for two, drinks, sides, etc we walked out for about $200. Worth. Every. Penny. The sandwich shop in the casino at our hotel made magic for a mere $6 a sammich and had the cheapest beer I saw all weekend at $5 a bottle. We spent nearly $40 for breakfast our first morning; the food was good to be sure but not worth the price. After that we ate breakfast at the sandwich shop. One night we decided to go grab a drink before bed and take it up to our room. The tab for one amaretto sour and Crown and Coke...$28. I couldn't even afford a buzz in Vegas. FYI I don't like to name places, this isn't about advertising, but I'll tell anyone who will listen not to go to Beijing Noodle No. 9 in Caesar's Palace. Don't bother. The floor was filthy, we were seated without place settings and had to go ask the hostess if a server was extra because nobody so much as flipped us off. The food was good but the rest of the experience wasn't worth $2. Kara wouldn't let me leave a $20 and walk out on the balance but you can be sure there was no tip left. Anyone who knows me knows that's a huge deal.
We walked, we saw, we had fun but just as often we were annoyed by the world of The Strip. The crowds of Mexicans with "Hot girls to your door in 20 minutes" t-shirts wordlessly assaulting everyone with the constant slapping and flicking of their pamphlets in your face. The guy every ten feet with a cooler yelling "Cole wata juan doe-la" likely the only 4 words in broken English he knew. Astonishingly enough my paranoia left me alone for the weekend, a nice change of pace. The fountains at Bellagio were very entertaining to see, the huge hotels and casinos were amazing, and people from all around the globe were there speaking whatever language you could hope to hear, but somehow I came away struck by a feeling of cheapness. Nothing was quality. Everything was as gaudy and cheap as they could get away with like spray painting a dog turd gold. Sure it's shiny...but it still stinks. And then disaster struck...
Through an error on our part (probably from booking tickets so far in advance) we showed up to the show we so badly wanted to see the day after with our $225 worth of tickets in hand to be told "That was last night...tonight is Cher." Instead the night of the show we sat through a timeshare presentation to get cheap tickets to a topless revue. The tickets turned out to be obstructed view against the back wall of the theater. So we mistakenly traded second row seats (at a show we desperately wanted to see) for nosebleeds at a show we were using to fill the night before OUR show. Well fukk.
8.31.2010
Agony and anticipation
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
This has been the longest week in history and it's only Tuesday! How sad is it that I've been busy all day the past two days with sales calls and orders and quotes and emails and mafia wars and farmville and goofing off and yet it is STILL dragging on interminably as if it's never going to get here?! I'M FRIKKIN DYING HERE PEOPLE!!
Also I'm thinking I'd sell my soul right now for a Chipotle burrito.
This has been the longest week in history and it's only Tuesday! How sad is it that I've been busy all day the past two days with sales calls and orders and quotes and emails and mafia wars and farmville and goofing off and yet it is STILL dragging on interminably as if it's never going to get here?! I'M FRIKKIN DYING HERE PEOPLE!!
Also I'm thinking I'd sell my soul right now for a Chipotle burrito.
8.29.2010
Expectations
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately and studying philosophy as I am apt to do when struggling through a difficult period in my life. Reading Christopher Hitchens' allowed me to address and contemplate my hostility towards religion and religious people, and while it has not altered my opinion it did put it in perspective. Remember, when I vent about how mindless god makes the human race remember there's someone who hates it even more than I do and is much more eloquent about it. Reading through the work of fatalists, realists, existentialists, and the like has been good for me the past few weeks. I haven't made any ground breaking realizations that will improve the existence of mankind, but then again I have no interest in making the human race any more prone to ignoring the laws of nature and protecting the shallow end of the gene pool from itself than it already is. Instead I've come to a few conclusions about myself and my own behavior over the past 8 years of my life.
To anyone who, like me, is fixated on achieving the financial goal of "finished"/"done"/"the end" meaning all debt completely gone, and you're not at least 50 years old...GIVE UP. For 8 years I have chased that and am not one step closer than I was when I started. Along the way I had a daughter, bought a house, got the wife a new car and had her eyes fixed with laser surgery but instead of seeing these as improvements instead to me all I saw was that for 8 years of working I was nowhere nearer my goal. I haven't enjoyed my life and that ends now. I no longer care about money, you can't take it with you and I'd much rather have some fun along the way than continue to live as I have. As the mantra goes "All work and no play makes Homer something something" and I truly believe that especially over the past 2-3 years I've slowly been going slightly crazy because of the hopeless battle I've been fighting against a seemingly immovable object. I always thought that once I got "finished" I would be able to enjoy my life, do the things I wanted to do, buy things I wanted to buy, go places I wanted to go, but after 8 years of working without getting a step closer to "finished" I figure screw it...I'm going to do all that now and let the mountain move on it's own cause I no longer care. Toys and trips and good times here I come baby!
Life is going to be fun if it fukkin kills me.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately and studying philosophy as I am apt to do when struggling through a difficult period in my life. Reading Christopher Hitchens' allowed me to address and contemplate my hostility towards religion and religious people, and while it has not altered my opinion it did put it in perspective. Remember, when I vent about how mindless god makes the human race remember there's someone who hates it even more than I do and is much more eloquent about it. Reading through the work of fatalists, realists, existentialists, and the like has been good for me the past few weeks. I haven't made any ground breaking realizations that will improve the existence of mankind, but then again I have no interest in making the human race any more prone to ignoring the laws of nature and protecting the shallow end of the gene pool from itself than it already is. Instead I've come to a few conclusions about myself and my own behavior over the past 8 years of my life.
To anyone who, like me, is fixated on achieving the financial goal of "finished"/"done"/"the end" meaning all debt completely gone, and you're not at least 50 years old...GIVE UP. For 8 years I have chased that and am not one step closer than I was when I started. Along the way I had a daughter, bought a house, got the wife a new car and had her eyes fixed with laser surgery but instead of seeing these as improvements instead to me all I saw was that for 8 years of working I was nowhere nearer my goal. I haven't enjoyed my life and that ends now. I no longer care about money, you can't take it with you and I'd much rather have some fun along the way than continue to live as I have. As the mantra goes "All work and no play makes Homer something something" and I truly believe that especially over the past 2-3 years I've slowly been going slightly crazy because of the hopeless battle I've been fighting against a seemingly immovable object. I always thought that once I got "finished" I would be able to enjoy my life, do the things I wanted to do, buy things I wanted to buy, go places I wanted to go, but after 8 years of working without getting a step closer to "finished" I figure screw it...I'm going to do all that now and let the mountain move on it's own cause I no longer care. Toys and trips and good times here I come baby!
Life is going to be fun if it fukkin kills me.
8.27.2010
Preparation and Zombies
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
Obviously I am not a cheerful trusting soul, and though it causes friction in my interactions with the world it has served me well defensively. Pessimism eliminates disappointment, realism allows acceptance sans emotion, and my distrust towards humanity...well that just means that as a general rule of thumb I don't trust you, I don't like you, and I will never rely on you for anything. In light of current events I find myself becoming more and more aware of my survivalist leanings.
I'm taking a leveled or layered approach to self preparedness. Obviously the first level is my Pocket Dump, followed by my Day Bag, and this is where my outfitting stops currently. As you move up in level one would assume the equipment becomes more specific and less "generally" useful (as well as more expensive and extensive) next would be a more traditional BOB in my car, followed by the most extensive supply at home. My logic is use your pockets to get you to your bag, your bag to get to the car, the car to get to the house and you can work through your levels as necessary based on your location/situation at the onset of whatever is happening.
My off the shelf backpack has loads of room but most of it's wasted because everything is loose in the bag. So I'm going to consolidate the meds into a first aid kit of sorts, along with additional related materials and buy a new pack for my Day Bag. My current backpack will rotate into my BOB in the car as it has a large capacity for things I won't need often but would want to have around. Then we move into "other" hardware...I'll discuss that later on. Remember you're only safe with a properly thought out zombie plan.
Obviously I am not a cheerful trusting soul, and though it causes friction in my interactions with the world it has served me well defensively. Pessimism eliminates disappointment, realism allows acceptance sans emotion, and my distrust towards humanity...well that just means that as a general rule of thumb I don't trust you, I don't like you, and I will never rely on you for anything. In light of current events I find myself becoming more and more aware of my survivalist leanings.
Survivalism is a movement of individuals or groups (called survivalists) who are actively preparing for future possible disruptions in local, regional, national, or international social or political order. Survivalists often prepare for this anticipated disruption by having emergency medical training, stockpiling food and water, preparing for self-defense and self-sufficiency, and/or building structures that will help them to survive or "disappear" (e.g., a survival retreat or underground shelter).Without even realizing what I was doing I have made additions to my Pocket Dump (the contents of my pockets on any given day) to include a small powerful flashlight and a self contained screwdriver kit as well as the ever present Usual Suspects (knife, keys, phone, wallet, pen, lighter). Beyond "on my person" I'm actively carrying what I'll term my "day-bag" a pack with my nook, various meds (of which there's a growing variety and supply), charging cables (for phone, nook, etc), a small ration of Dr Pepper (for work), lighter fluid (for the lighter in my pocket) and my _____ (no I'm not clarifying on that right now).
I'm taking a leveled or layered approach to self preparedness. Obviously the first level is my Pocket Dump, followed by my Day Bag, and this is where my outfitting stops currently. As you move up in level one would assume the equipment becomes more specific and less "generally" useful (as well as more expensive and extensive) next would be a more traditional BOB in my car, followed by the most extensive supply at home. My logic is use your pockets to get you to your bag, your bag to get to the car, the car to get to the house and you can work through your levels as necessary based on your location/situation at the onset of whatever is happening.
My off the shelf backpack has loads of room but most of it's wasted because everything is loose in the bag. So I'm going to consolidate the meds into a first aid kit of sorts, along with additional related materials and buy a new pack for my Day Bag. My current backpack will rotate into my BOB in the car as it has a large capacity for things I won't need often but would want to have around. Then we move into "other" hardware...I'll discuss that later on. Remember you're only safe with a properly thought out zombie plan.
8.26.2010
Failures and fantasies
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
I didn't get the chance to post yesterday because I was out and about town shaking hands with customers and delivering Hatch green chiles.Got to meet several of the people I speak to every day (for the first time) face to face and that was quite and enjoyable experience. Not one of them matched the image in my head I had developed from hearing their voices. So tomorrow Kara is off to get herself ready for the trip with various spa type girly appointments through the day and I'll be working as usual. Then it's the weekend followed by a short week and BOOM we're in Vegas!
While the primary reason for the trip is The Gathering, and I don't gamble for whatever reason, I'm quite looking forward to possibly playing a few hands at a table or playing a few slots and maybe coming away with a few extra bucks. I'm not the lucky type so I don't expect to win but it sure would be nice to say I managed while I was there. I think I was originally planning to come home with several knives and no money, but recently I find myself looking at outfitting my world for a more defensive existence so I think I'll probably pick up a couple of blades and save some cash for "other" hardware. Preparation for war is the only guarantee of peace.
I didn't get the chance to post yesterday because I was out and about town shaking hands with customers and delivering Hatch green chiles.Got to meet several of the people I speak to every day (for the first time) face to face and that was quite and enjoyable experience. Not one of them matched the image in my head I had developed from hearing their voices. So tomorrow Kara is off to get herself ready for the trip with various spa type girly appointments through the day and I'll be working as usual. Then it's the weekend followed by a short week and BOOM we're in Vegas!
While the primary reason for the trip is The Gathering, and I don't gamble for whatever reason, I'm quite looking forward to possibly playing a few hands at a table or playing a few slots and maybe coming away with a few extra bucks. I'm not the lucky type so I don't expect to win but it sure would be nice to say I managed while I was there. I think I was originally planning to come home with several knives and no money, but recently I find myself looking at outfitting my world for a more defensive existence so I think I'll probably pick up a couple of blades and save some cash for "other" hardware. Preparation for war is the only guarantee of peace.
8.24.2010
T - minus 9 days and counting
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
Just 9 days left before the wife and I head to Vegas for The Gathering. Kara has a pedicure/spa/whatever day Friday to get ready for the trip and I'm chomping at the bit to find something shiny and razor sharp to bring home with me from the show. The plane tickets have been bought and paid for, the hotel is booked and paid in advance, we've got tickets paid for Jeff Dunham at Caesar's Palace and spending money tucked away for the weekend. So far this week has been painfully slow and I'm betting that the three days next week will be even worse before we can leave. Here's hoping it passes quickly so I don't lose my mind.
Just 9 days left before the wife and I head to Vegas for The Gathering. Kara has a pedicure/spa/whatever day Friday to get ready for the trip and I'm chomping at the bit to find something shiny and razor sharp to bring home with me from the show. The plane tickets have been bought and paid for, the hotel is booked and paid in advance, we've got tickets paid for Jeff Dunham at Caesar's Palace and spending money tucked away for the weekend. So far this week has been painfully slow and I'm betting that the three days next week will be even worse before we can leave. Here's hoping it passes quickly so I don't lose my mind.
8.23.2010
State of the union
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
So it's been about a month since we put our house on the open market. We had our first showing the first day and after that...nothing. We haven't had any more showings or any interest in the house whatsoever and despite my usual cheery disposition (it's called sarcasm...stfu) this is starting to grind on my nerves. I just find it difficult to believe that in a twin-city environment of nearly 200,000 people there's not a single person looking at houses. So on that note into the second month of zero activity we go.
And to anyone who actually reads my "stupid blog" thanks...it's nice to have a place where I can be who I want.
So it's been about a month since we put our house on the open market. We had our first showing the first day and after that...nothing. We haven't had any more showings or any interest in the house whatsoever and despite my usual cheery disposition (it's called sarcasm...stfu) this is starting to grind on my nerves. I just find it difficult to believe that in a twin-city environment of nearly 200,000 people there's not a single person looking at houses. So on that note into the second month of zero activity we go.
And to anyone who actually reads my "stupid blog" thanks...it's nice to have a place where I can be who I want.
8.22.2010
Question everything
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
Question everything. Ask why I think you should question everything. Ask why water is wet, why the sky is blue during the day and black at night. Ask why ducks float and penguins don't. Asking questions is the only way to learn and learning is the only thing truly worth working for. If you can survive without asking questions then I simultaneously envy your blind trust, and pity your ignorance and stupidity. I'll never understand why anyone can just believe something without ever wondering why.
Question everything. Ask why I think you should question everything. Ask why water is wet, why the sky is blue during the day and black at night. Ask why ducks float and penguins don't. Asking questions is the only way to learn and learning is the only thing truly worth working for. If you can survive without asking questions then I simultaneously envy your blind trust, and pity your ignorance and stupidity. I'll never understand why anyone can just believe something without ever wondering why.
8.21.2010
Dreams and discontentment
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
Dreams are a powerful medium. Whether speaking of the stories and images your mind conjures while you are sleeping or the hopes you have for yourself, others, or the world in general. In my dream I see a world filled with people who have cast off their primitive superstitions and mindless obsessions with life or death or gods. Where those of us who are smart enough to see religion for the disease it is are no longer outnumbered by the sick minded majority huddling in the back of their caves praying into the darkness for something they aren't willing or capable of achieving for themselves.
Religion is a disease. Like cancer, or HIV, there's is no magical pill or elixir that can cure it. It seeks to infect the fresh minds of our children in order to be assured of it's own perpetuation as it has for centuries before. Each generation is taught to fear the unknown, to accept their own ignorance, and above all never to question anything or think for themselves. Learning is limited, intelligence actively squashed and even now in the face of scientific marvels and a mountain of evidence constantly disproving their gods existence we humans, being weak minded cattle, continue to hide from reality in our churches, and synagogues, and mosques.
When I drive down any street I am constantly barraged by the religious stupidity in my world. I see the signs outside of churches with their propaganda laced slogans and mottoes that even the smallest inkling of logical thought makes worthy of ridicule. On cars everywhere I see "Real men love Jesus" and other idiotic stickers and emblems. When I'm reading through my news feeds on Facebook I'm assaulted by mindless zombies with their status updates about "Jesus is lord click like if you agree" and "God is great" or someone they loved died "but they are with God now in his kingdom" blah blah blah. Why is the human race so intellectually retarded that they can't see the reality of the world around them?
Our world is a horrid place full of murder and hate and history books filled to overflowing with the atrocities of mankind. More of those atrocities have been committed in the name of one non-existent deity or another in a pissing contest on such a massive scale that it should boggle the mind of any sane human being should they ever stop to consider that it all boils down to "MY invisible friend and beat up YOUR invisible friend"
Well guess what humanity...my invisible friend is science and someday he will destroy your gods. Too stupid for science? Try religion...with any luck you'll pick some form that ends with you in sneakers and sweats under a sheet with a Kool-aid smile and leave the intelligent few alone.
Dreams are a powerful medium. Whether speaking of the stories and images your mind conjures while you are sleeping or the hopes you have for yourself, others, or the world in general. In my dream I see a world filled with people who have cast off their primitive superstitions and mindless obsessions with life or death or gods. Where those of us who are smart enough to see religion for the disease it is are no longer outnumbered by the sick minded majority huddling in the back of their caves praying into the darkness for something they aren't willing or capable of achieving for themselves.
Religion is a disease. Like cancer, or HIV, there's is no magical pill or elixir that can cure it. It seeks to infect the fresh minds of our children in order to be assured of it's own perpetuation as it has for centuries before. Each generation is taught to fear the unknown, to accept their own ignorance, and above all never to question anything or think for themselves. Learning is limited, intelligence actively squashed and even now in the face of scientific marvels and a mountain of evidence constantly disproving their gods existence we humans, being weak minded cattle, continue to hide from reality in our churches, and synagogues, and mosques.
When I drive down any street I am constantly barraged by the religious stupidity in my world. I see the signs outside of churches with their propaganda laced slogans and mottoes that even the smallest inkling of logical thought makes worthy of ridicule. On cars everywhere I see "Real men love Jesus" and other idiotic stickers and emblems. When I'm reading through my news feeds on Facebook I'm assaulted by mindless zombies with their status updates about "Jesus is lord click like if you agree" and "God is great" or someone they loved died "but they are with God now in his kingdom" blah blah blah. Why is the human race so intellectually retarded that they can't see the reality of the world around them?
Our world is a horrid place full of murder and hate and history books filled to overflowing with the atrocities of mankind. More of those atrocities have been committed in the name of one non-existent deity or another in a pissing contest on such a massive scale that it should boggle the mind of any sane human being should they ever stop to consider that it all boils down to "MY invisible friend and beat up YOUR invisible friend"
Well guess what humanity...my invisible friend is science and someday he will destroy your gods. Too stupid for science? Try religion...with any luck you'll pick some form that ends with you in sneakers and sweats under a sheet with a Kool-aid smile and leave the intelligent few alone.
8.20.2010
Falling down
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
I missed posting anything yesterday because I was having a really horrible day. Try and help someone out and show them there's no hard feelings for how they treated you in the past and you end up getting raked over the coals. I despise the human race.
Today on the other hand my day started out with catching a random post from a Pastafarian on my Facebook feed touting the wonders of our creator the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Makes me smile to see those rare jewels of sanity in a world predominantly populated by mentally diseased people with their invisible friends and dogmatic dedication to closing their eyes and plugging their ears and yelling LALALALALALALA in the face of scientific reality and evidence. That being the case let me follow up with...
Let us give thanks to her high holiness the Invisible Pink Unicorn, may her holy hooves never be shod. And be not tempted by the Purple Oyster of Doom and his pepperoni and mushroom pizza for the righteous path is paved with pineapple and Canadian bacon.
Went to dinner last night with my favorite director for the last time. He is moving to the big apple to pursue his own dreams and ambitions which I find both exceedingly risky and an enviable course of action. I'm saddened that I will not get to work with him in the future, remembering that he has been involved in every show I have done, but at the same time I am excited to see how things turn out for him there; allowing me to live somewhat vicariously through his experiences there. Hopefully we can go visit him next summer once he has gotten himself settled in.
On a totally unrelated note, this morning Rackley's Law proved itself yet again. What in the hell is wrong with people today?! Ok theoretical scenario here...you work for ________ running a ________ machine that makes _______. 20 years ago you would be considered "skilled labor" and likely would have been very good at what you do. In modern industry the only real requirement for this position is "warm body" and the expectation tend to follow closely along those lines. How hard is it to take a little pride in your work? I mean when the ________ finishes making a _________ stop for a second before you start the next ___________ and look at the first fucking ________ and think to yourself "Gee...that looks like shit...I wonder why that is..." Then you can consider the operation and figure out why there's a problem and fix it instead of starting the next ______ and the next and the next.
PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS PEOPLE!!!
I missed posting anything yesterday because I was having a really horrible day. Try and help someone out and show them there's no hard feelings for how they treated you in the past and you end up getting raked over the coals. I despise the human race.
Today on the other hand my day started out with catching a random post from a Pastafarian on my Facebook feed touting the wonders of our creator the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Makes me smile to see those rare jewels of sanity in a world predominantly populated by mentally diseased people with their invisible friends and dogmatic dedication to closing their eyes and plugging their ears and yelling LALALALALALALA in the face of scientific reality and evidence. That being the case let me follow up with...
Let us give thanks to her high holiness the Invisible Pink Unicorn, may her holy hooves never be shod. And be not tempted by the Purple Oyster of Doom and his pepperoni and mushroom pizza for the righteous path is paved with pineapple and Canadian bacon.
Went to dinner last night with my favorite director for the last time. He is moving to the big apple to pursue his own dreams and ambitions which I find both exceedingly risky and an enviable course of action. I'm saddened that I will not get to work with him in the future, remembering that he has been involved in every show I have done, but at the same time I am excited to see how things turn out for him there; allowing me to live somewhat vicariously through his experiences there. Hopefully we can go visit him next summer once he has gotten himself settled in.
On a totally unrelated note, this morning Rackley's Law proved itself yet again. What in the hell is wrong with people today?! Ok theoretical scenario here...you work for ________ running a ________ machine that makes _______. 20 years ago you would be considered "skilled labor" and likely would have been very good at what you do. In modern industry the only real requirement for this position is "warm body" and the expectation tend to follow closely along those lines. How hard is it to take a little pride in your work? I mean when the ________ finishes making a _________ stop for a second before you start the next ___________ and look at the first fucking ________ and think to yourself "Gee...that looks like shit...I wonder why that is..." Then you can consider the operation and figure out why there's a problem and fix it instead of starting the next ______ and the next and the next.
PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS PEOPLE!!!
8.18.2010
Let them eat cake
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
Tonight we're headed to Genghis! It's this buffet of raw foods (veggies, tofu, chicken, pork, beef, etc etc etc) with jars of various sauces and spices. You take a bowl and fill it full of ingredients and pass it to the chef working a huge flat top and he stir-frys it up for you. We loved to eat there when we lived in DFW but now they've got one here and I'm so excited I can barely stand myself.
My daughter can be a somewhat finicky eater, she's three so it's to be expected to one degree or another, and is likely not going to eat anything available there. I figure we'll try a simple chicken stir-fry and see how she feels about it but if she doesn't eat well... Thankfully I've convinced the wife that if she doesn't eat at dinner we'll just fix her something simple when we get home. This way there's a backup plan but we still get to go eat and maybe she will actually like it. My tummy's rumbling already.
Tonight we're headed to Genghis! It's this buffet of raw foods (veggies, tofu, chicken, pork, beef, etc etc etc) with jars of various sauces and spices. You take a bowl and fill it full of ingredients and pass it to the chef working a huge flat top and he stir-frys it up for you. We loved to eat there when we lived in DFW but now they've got one here and I'm so excited I can barely stand myself.
My daughter can be a somewhat finicky eater, she's three so it's to be expected to one degree or another, and is likely not going to eat anything available there. I figure we'll try a simple chicken stir-fry and see how she feels about it but if she doesn't eat well... Thankfully I've convinced the wife that if she doesn't eat at dinner we'll just fix her something simple when we get home. This way there's a backup plan but we still get to go eat and maybe she will actually like it. My tummy's rumbling already.
8.17.2010
House for sale
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
We're trying to sell our house. We've outgrown it and we would like to get into one a little bigger and with any luck a little nicer neighborhood. I know this may come as a shock but I'm a pessimist and a realist and unfortunately that's not jiving particularly well with the current situation. See, our house is going into our third week on the market and we've only had one single showing. I'm trying to be patient and understanding but I'm the type of person who wants to do something. If something is wrong with the house that is causing people not to buy it then I want to know about it so that I can fix it. But if nobody is seeing the house then it's not possible for there to be anything wrong preventing someone from buying meaning there's nothing I can fix. It makes me feel completely helpless.
My best friend seems to think I should dump my realtor because a friend of his was getting the same "Nobody is looking at any houses right now" story from his realtor, changed realtors and boom...sold his house. I don't have the slightest clue what to think or what to do with things as they are. Our house isn't selling, we already found a house we love but we can't make a move on it unless our house sells first, but if ours doesn't sell before the one we want does then we're back to square one. No amount of "positive thinking" is going to change that.
On the one hand, if we change realtors and the house sells in a hurry then woohoo! But the flipside of that coin is that if we change and we still aren't getting showings and the house isn't moving then we are stupid for jumping ship for no reason. I hate feeling stupid even more than I hate feeling helpless. I think the old adage about "Good things come to those who wait" is a crock of shit. Waiting doesn't accomplish anything, DOING something accomplishes things. Unfortunately there's nothing I can DO except WAIT. I just want to run screaming from the room, find a dark corner to lay down in the fetal position, and whimper until this all goes away.
We're trying to sell our house. We've outgrown it and we would like to get into one a little bigger and with any luck a little nicer neighborhood. I know this may come as a shock but I'm a pessimist and a realist and unfortunately that's not jiving particularly well with the current situation. See, our house is going into our third week on the market and we've only had one single showing. I'm trying to be patient and understanding but I'm the type of person who wants to do something. If something is wrong with the house that is causing people not to buy it then I want to know about it so that I can fix it. But if nobody is seeing the house then it's not possible for there to be anything wrong preventing someone from buying meaning there's nothing I can fix. It makes me feel completely helpless.
My best friend seems to think I should dump my realtor because a friend of his was getting the same "Nobody is looking at any houses right now" story from his realtor, changed realtors and boom...sold his house. I don't have the slightest clue what to think or what to do with things as they are. Our house isn't selling, we already found a house we love but we can't make a move on it unless our house sells first, but if ours doesn't sell before the one we want does then we're back to square one. No amount of "positive thinking" is going to change that.
On the one hand, if we change realtors and the house sells in a hurry then woohoo! But the flipside of that coin is that if we change and we still aren't getting showings and the house isn't moving then we are stupid for jumping ship for no reason. I hate feeling stupid even more than I hate feeling helpless. I think the old adage about "Good things come to those who wait" is a crock of shit. Waiting doesn't accomplish anything, DOING something accomplishes things. Unfortunately there's nothing I can DO except WAIT. I just want to run screaming from the room, find a dark corner to lay down in the fetal position, and whimper until this all goes away.
8.16.2010
AN INTRODUCTION
Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?
I am a riddle, inside a conundrum, marinated in controversy, wrapped in bacon and served on a bagel. With cheese. I like cheese.
I am a liberal republican atheist. I love the idea of America but I despise what America has become. I'm not racist, I'm not sexist, I hate everyone equally. I realize the numerous contradictions involved in being me but hey, I am what I am. I love to cook, I love to eat, my doctor says I need to watch my diet and lose a little weight.
My name is Charles and this is my world.
I am a riddle, inside a conundrum, marinated in controversy, wrapped in bacon and served on a bagel. With cheese. I like cheese.
I am a liberal republican atheist. I love the idea of America but I despise what America has become. I'm not racist, I'm not sexist, I hate everyone equally. I realize the numerous contradictions involved in being me but hey, I am what I am. I love to cook, I love to eat, my doctor says I need to watch my diet and lose a little weight.
My name is Charles and this is my world.
-=MY DISCLAIMER=-
I want to make myself explicitly clear with this post because every single post from this time on will reference it.
This is my house.
You don't like what I have to say or how I say it?
Get the fuck out.
I am NOT a nice person.
I AM GOING TO OFFEND YOU.
If I fail to offend you then congratulations...you are a highly evolved being worthy of my respect.
If I OFFEND YOU
Reading my blog is a choice you made. You can make the decision NOT to read it just as easily. I welcome comments and discussion, but if you have nothing intelligent to say then prepare yourself to receive a reply in a similar vein. If you can speak with intelligence and debate your point I will treat you with the same respect you offer me. If you simply want to light a fire then you will be responded to in kind.
My name is Charles and this is my world.
EDIT TO ADD
If you comment just to say something to the effect of "You suck" your comment will be deleted.
This is my house.
You don't like what I have to say or how I say it?
Get the fuck out.
I am NOT a nice person.
I AM GOING TO OFFEND YOU.
If I fail to offend you then congratulations...you are a highly evolved being worthy of my respect.
If I OFFEND YOU
Reading my blog is a choice you made. You can make the decision NOT to read it just as easily. I welcome comments and discussion, but if you have nothing intelligent to say then prepare yourself to receive a reply in a similar vein. If you can speak with intelligence and debate your point I will treat you with the same respect you offer me. If you simply want to light a fire then you will be responded to in kind.
My name is Charles and this is my world.
EDIT TO ADD
If you comment just to say something to the effect of "You suck" your comment will be deleted.
8.15.2010
New
Going to start my own blog. This is my house. You don't like what I have to say or how I say it? Get the fuck out. End of subject. I want to have a place where I can talk about how I feel, what I think. Where I can contemplate aloud my hopes and dreams. A place where I can simply be who I am. No games. No image. My name is Charles and this is my world.
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