And then there was one

Have you read -=MY DISCLAIMER=- yet?

I told her she hurt me and for the first time in our lives she listened. I told her to leave and she heard me. After all these years I finally got through to her, even though I've been saying the same things the whole time. Part of me is thrilled that she finally gets what she's done to me, but part of me is too burned to care anymore. My life is over at exactly the moment it should have begun all because the moment came almost a decade too late. Which part do I listen to? I know the socially obvious answer but is that really the right one? I need to be loved by someone. I need to be with someone who cares. It's not important anymore who that person is despite my old hope that it would be her.

I wish I was dead so I wouldn't have this problem to deal with. I wish I could sleep until it all went away. I want to hide from the world and hope they all forget I exist. But I can't. I'm here at work like always because I'm such a weak willed person I can't even alter my own path. I have to do what has to be done. Take care of business. That's all I have. That's all I am anymore. A machine. But deep inside I still hurt. I wish I could give over to the automaton completely and not feel anything anymore.